Hello I’m a backpacker from Germany and a very cheerful, optimistic and positive girl. I love to share my energy, my experience or even my food or clothes. I started my work and travel to Australia in middle of January 2018. When I meet someone, I give everyone the same chance without prejudice. Than I start to make my own picture. Is right or? But how you want to make your own picture when you just on drugs and don´t recognise it? Unfortunately, I have changed this attitude because of this horrible story…
The first time I went to Cambodia was around April 2018 . I met so many different people in this time. In Kampot I stayed at High tide hostel for 8 days and it was really nice and chilled. The staff and other travellers from High tide were friendly and helpful. I went to some parties with them and really enjoyed my stay.
A few months later , end of August, after a long time working on farms in Australia, I decided to go back to Cambodia and visit my friends in High tide Kampot for one week. Afterwards I wanted to do a 2 month voluntary project on the island Koh Rong Samloen.
I landed in the capital Phnom Penh in Cambodia in the afternoon. I decided to take a taxi to Kampot as I have had bad experiences with the buses and they take 4-4.5 hours to Kampot Province. I had been out and about all day and hadn’t eaten yet, I was planning to have dinner at the hostel High tide where my friends were working. When we arrived in Kampot, the taxi driver asked if I wanted a cigarette and opened all the windows in his car. He had seen me with my rolling tobacco at previous stops and I thought why not, as I didn’t need to roll. It was strange because he didn´t smoke when we had the stops. A few minutes after the cigarette we arrived at High tide.
I was so happy, I paid the driver and ran to the bar where my friends were already waiting. I said ‘I’m so happy to be back here, I had such a long trip! I need something to eat and drink!’. One of the staff members who was my friend pressed a piece of chocolate into my hand and said ‘That’s for you’. Who can say no to chocolate? I thanked him and without thinking i threw the chocolate into my mouth. He then told me ‘That was actually a hash chocolate you just ate. I made it by myself!’. I was surprised as I hadn’t expected this but I had been so happy that it didn’t matter to me in that moment, I was happy like a small child. I ordered my food and greeted all the people from the hostel whom I had met the first time. Nobody was missing, everyone was there to say hello. I took a seat at the bar and after 3 minutes my food arrived. Wowww how fast the food came, as if they knew what I wanted to order!
I had not eaten all day and before I had arrived at the hostel I was starving. However, when my food was in front of me I found I couldn’t even eat half the portion. I talked for hours at the bar with the employee from Hightide and his friends. I hadn’t checked in, showered or gone to the room and my things and bag were just everywhere. I talked without a break, and laughed with the people at the bar. After a few hours I started to feel the hash chocolate. I said ‘I forgot to check in, can we do it now? I would like to take a shower.’
My friend one of the staff helped me to bring my bag to the room. I tried to have a shower but there was only a trickle of water. I couldn’t do anything about it then as I was already naked and in the shower. I had my shower feeling high from the chocolate and exhausted. I had to touch my whole body and scrub that i got wet. Afterwards I asked another English staff member if they could fix the shower or change my bungalow. One of the staff said ‘Ooh sorry for the shower, we will fix it in the morning’. It was pretty late and I was getting tired but my English friend (staff) came with me into the bungalow and wanted to hang out. I was so tired, high and done in that I fell asleep immediately.
At some point in the night, I felt someone touching my body. I had been so deeply relaxed that I could hardly open my eyes. When I did open my eyes the staff member was still next to me. He was so nervous and excited that he woke me up. I just thought ‘What the fuck? He is still next to me and awake? Did he touch my vagina? Am I wet??’ I jumped up and went to the bathroom to see what was going on. Yes, i was wet. I went back to the bed and demanded of him ‘Did you really touch me while I was asleep?’ I knew him from my first time in Cambodia and we had a good friendship. ‘I am so sorry, I couldn’t stop my hands, you are so pretty and sexy. I’m so sorry, I will never do it again.’ I looked at him, ‘If you do it again I’ll kick you out’, and I turned around and slept on. Eeeeeeeh….STOP!!! that wasn’t like me. Normally, I would have kicked him out immediately but I didn’t CARE and I slept on.
I am by nature a very open and positive person but when I arrived at the hostel I was even happier than usual. I felt like I was in a dream world. I put this reaction down to seeing friends and finally being on holiday. The next day I asked about my shower and if they had fixed it. The owner of the hostel looked at me with a big baby-faced smile and said ‘The shower is broken, we can’t fix it. The other bungalows are expensive and the cheaper ones are without a shower. We can give you a discount on your current bungalow and I can give you a pocket shower. It might be fun!’. I accepted the offer. I wasn’t looking for luxury requirements in a poor country, it wasn’t a problem for me that the shower didn’t work. I just wanted my privacy after a long time doing farmwork in Australia. Besides, I could use the pocket shower or go to the public shower. I had also a problem with the door it wasn´t possible to lock. I wanted to change it again but they repaired and did everything to keep me in this bungalow.
One of the French staff members at High tide was always talking about a big party that was to happen in a few days. A few DJs from Berlin were coming to make a private party that would last 3 days. Only a limited number of people were invited, which included the staff from High tide. They said ‘I think it’s no problem if we take you with us. You have always good vibes for a party!’ They wouldn’t tell me the date just that it would happen soon. I just never questioned anything while staying at this hostel. That was one of the weird things. I was always happy, euphoric, everyone was my friend. I even forgot to call my family and friends, which normally never happens. I had definite plans to travel around the area but I didn’t move from the hostel. I felt as comfortable as a princess and I didn’t want to move. I only moved when the staff member and his friends moved.
I had stopped eating. I hadn’t been hungry since arriving at High tide and could never finish the portion on the plate. Before that, I had been eating four meals a day in Australia. In this hostel I felt neither tired or hungry. I told myself that maybe I was just suffering from jet lag and that the weather conditions were affecting my appetite. I had noticed my behavior and body signals but I couldn’t find an answer which made sense and explained how I was feeling.
I started to feel like everyone around me was being fake. They talked about me, everyone wanted to talk to me; a lot of men came to the hostel and tried to flirt with me or speak to me. They spoke to me like they knew me, they said things to me like ‘Oh my god, you are really beautiful, you don´t have any tattoos on your body right?’. I felt like a show girl. They checked out my body and I remember thinking ‘What is up with these people’. Yet I still didn’t care or question anything. I had been travelling for 8 months at this point, and while travelling I had no interest in men or relationships, dates or one night stands. In my past I was involved in an abusive long term relationship and I just wanted a break from men. I was happy to be alone and to travel alone.
However, when I arrived at High tide I started to experience deep feelings of arousal, I was always horny. After a year of not having sex, I slept with the English High tide staff member. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. ‘Wow’, I thought, ‘am I in love? Why am I so attached to this guy?’ One night I was so horny that I couldn’t take it; I kicked him out of the bungalow and finished myself off. He was not angry or disappointed; he just had this big smile on his face which I couldn’t explain at the time. After several times masturbating, I still hadn’t come down. I was horny as I had never been before. I just wanted to fuck. I tried to control myself as I knew this wasn’t me. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Why was I this horny? The English high tide stuff wanted always the light was on. He was very loud as if he wanted someone should hear us. For five days I had felt happy, euphoric and horny in this hostel. I was weird and questioned nothing. I had no idea why and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It was like my brain and my concentration was blocked. I felt empty.
On the fifth day I woke up in a very bad mood. My body felt so weak and fucked up that I only moved to use the bathroom. I was so hungry that I was ordering food at the bar every two hours. That day was the day of the big party. The French staff member wanted to make sure I came to the party at Kenny’s Korner. I felt so tired and broken that I wanted to cancel. The staff there asked a lot of times if I wanted to take drugs with them. I kept saying no, that I was ok. My English friend and the French guy from the staff were still with me. They were waiting to close the hostel with the last guest. The staff began to drink and pressured me into drinking with them despite my mood. After drinking a few sips from my glass, my mood changed for the better. I went from 0 to 100, before I could barely move and with a little bit of alcohol I forgot everything, how weird! At this time I didn’t think about how I went from a fucked up mood to a perfect mood, I was awake and not tired, not hungry anymore and I was loud and happy like the previous four days.
We drove first into the city and then to Kenny’s Korner with the English and French staff members. The other staff and their friends from High tide were already at the party. At first, it looked like it was a small party. I had invited a French woman whom I had met by coincidence in the city. I met her the first time in April at High tide and i knew her already and I said ‘Hey, come with us to Kenny’s Korner, there is a party and I would love to go with you’. It was the birthday of the Berlin DJs which is why they were having the party. At the beginning, I was still feeling pretty good. I was euphoric and happy. I didn’t care about the other people at the party, I was in my own world. I danced and felt one with the techno music. I couldn’t stop dancing and moving around.
Then one of the High tide staff came and gave each person an Oreo biscuit from a huge plate. Without thinking, I threw the biscuit into my mouth. Then the guy who had handed it to me said ‘We’re playing Russian Roulette, and one of the Oreo cookies has LSD inside’. I questioned nothing and just kept on dancing, I still couldn’t stop moving. Nobody was dancing, i was the only person who was dancing in the middle point. The people were just staying outside or in the room behind the dj table. Once i saw from the way-mirrow-window behind the dj, that men were sitting inside, sneefing drugs and looking to me. I didn´t question anything and kept dancing. It was like i was a showgirl, the only person dancing and everyone was just waiting for something. I felt like I was in a perfect mood until about half an hour after the cookie when I started to feel something.
It started when my body temperature began to rise. I was suddenly so hot that I wanted to strip off my clothes. I ran to the hostel staff members and asked if they could take care of me because I didn’t feel very well. Every one of them ignored me and pretended I wasn’t there. My body temperature soared, my heart started to race faster. I couldn’t dance anymore or walk properly because my knees and legs were shaking. I had a feeling like I needed to shit and my vagina began to throb like a heart. I didn’t know what was going on.
I went to the bathroom and pulled my pants down. It was a strange building. The bathroom had not a door and around the wall were small windows at a height of a normal human size. I didn´t understand why the completely wall was covered with it. As I lowered my pants, I heard the sounds of men moaning around me ‘Oh yeah baby, oh yeah show us more’. It sounded like it was coming through the windows and someone was watching me from there. I immediately put my pants back on and tried to clear my head and figure out what was going on around me. I went back to the party and sat down on a chair. I realised that there was only men around me. It wasn’t just five people anymore, it was 10-12. Me and the French girl were the only women. If I hadn’t spontaneously invited her, I would have been the only girl…
I was getting worse and worse. I was horny and my vagina wouldn’t stop throbbing, it felt like it was going to explode. I pressed my legs together and tried to control my body. I got cold and then hot. I was sweating and my heart was racing very fast. I felt dizzy and sick, my teeth crunched and my mouth was dry. I had difficulty breathing. I could feel the energy around me of the horny staff members and their friends from Hightide. I almost lost consciousness, everything went black before my eyes and in this second I vomited twice..
I felt like I got power back for a few seconds and was able to leave the party area and go outside. I just wanted to run away, the music and the atmosphere was making me worse. My vagina wouldn’t stop throbbing and I felt horny. It felt a lot worse with the hard techno music, it wanted to fuck; I wanted to press against it to alleviate the feeling.
I was in the middle of nowhere in Cambodia, with no police around. It was midnight and I felt surrounded by horny junkies. They wanted to mess with strong independent women. They wanted to make me so weak, helpless and horny that I would jump on these men by myself. Yes, I felt that way. I was so horny that another woman might not have been able to control herself, she could have fucked every single man at this party and she wouldn’t care. This is how I felt with the drugs they had given me. I didn’t know what it was but I knew it wasn’t LSD.
They wouldn’t let me leave the party. Outside, everything began to move and I felt like I was seeing in 3D. I tried to run but I couldn’t even walk because my muscles were shaking. The High tide staff came and ran after me and stopped me. One after the other, they came out of the party to bring me back. Even the DJ whose birthday it was came out. I panicked and cried, I begged them to drive me back to the hostel. I was almost suffocating, I couldn’t breathe. But no-one wanted me to leave Kenny’s Korner, instead they gave me a pineapple to eat and just changed to happier music.
I often wondered why I got the pineapple. Why a pineapple was present at this party. When i saw it on the dj desk i asked these people why they had a pineapple front of stage at the party on the decks. They said that it was just a decoration. They made fun of it. Then I found out that this fruit many important properties. It not only promotes digestion but also helps with high blood pressure, cardiovascular problems and is an anticoagulant… short and sweet. It acted as first aid in the event of an overdose.
Everyone was running around the building with toilet paper, looking for places to shit. I put on my Pokerface and decided to play stupid, they didn’t realise that I understood what they wanted to do. Everyone kept saying ‘Oh, how are you? We are so sorry, you got lucky and took the LSD cookie’. I knew this was not just LSD. It was a combination of other drugs that was making people feel horny. I stayed with them until sunrise, waiting for the drugs to wear off. After sometime I felt my mood change again and I felt happy. I laughed and forgot what had happened just an hour ago. They tried everything to make me feel good so I would not leave the party. At sunrise came more people, more men. I tried to stay strong and awake. They talked about me, looking surprised as to how I could handle so strong a drug.
At sunrise they started taking drugs again and playing techno. This was a 3 day party. Damn, three fucking days. They wanted to keep me here for 3 days until I was fucked. They gave me a bottle of water but it wasn’t a normal water bottle, it had a strange label on it. My vagina started to pulse again and I felt like I needed to shit. Damn, they never give up. I felt worse drinking the water so I had to stop. In the morning people were still walking around with toilet paper and shitting everywhere.
One of the worse memories from this day was, when the English boy was sitting in front of me, watching me and playing with himself under a towel. I saw it when his friend made fun of him and lifted the towel high. I was just thinking ‘How disgusting these people are, damn assholes’. The Berlin DJ came and gave me some toilet paper and smiled and said ‘here for you, the rest you can do by yourself’ What the fuck is going on here? What a mess it is, why are they expecting me to shit now? Why is everyone around me shitting? Why is everyone looking at me so horny?
Then I felt like I did need to shit, I had to go out. But how, between so many dirty and evil junkies? They kept saying thinks like`that i am so beautiful and i should open myself, it´s my new birth and don´t be shy!! i played stupid but i knew it was a dirty mess party and i had to go out immediatly. I waited for the right moment and took the toilet paper that the DJ had given me and looked for a place to shit on the grass. I used to do this to distract the people. The English staff member who had been in my bungalow to sleep with me decided to help me get out and brought me back to the hostel High tide. He was the only person in this moment with a heart maybe, I don’t know. Maybe he got feelings towards me. I don´t know but he helped me. I focused on the garden door, while everyone else was coming up on fresh drugs, I was able to escape….
On the way to the hostel, again I forgot everything. I was in a good and happy mood. I saw everything as beautiful and was excited by the colour of the nature around me. However, as I arrived at the hostel I began to feel worse. Again, I felt hot and horny. I felt uncomfortable with the energy of the men around me. I immediately went to my bungalow, locked my door and tried to come down off the drugs. The English guy who had brought me back to the hostel went back to the party.
I left the bungalow and went out to the reception. The hostel is on the riverside and I wanted to sit and breathe in the fresh air. The owner was behind the bar and by this time the staff and their friends from High tide had come back to the hostel from the party. The owner looked at me again with his baby-faced smile and said ‘Hey, I heard about you last night, I hope you are better?’ What the hell? Why are these people back already? Why did they leave the party? I didn’t expect this. I put on my pokerface and sat down in a quiet place. My brain kicked into work and suddenly I was thinking clearly. It was like fitting the puzzle pieces from the last five days. I could think clearly about everything, one piece after another. It was as if my thoughts had been blocked for days and then dissolved. I recognised that I had been feeling high, horny and on drugs in this hostel without taking anything. I remembered the moments when I thought ‘Why can’t I eat? Why can’t I sleep? Why am I horny like this?’
After a few minutes of sitting and thinking, the french girl from the party came over to me and sat down. She tried to distract me. She said again and again ‘Don’t think so much beautiful, everything is fine. Don’t think. Try to enjoy the nature but don’t think’ They played sounds from nature on the speakers. I stopped thinking, I was distracted, high and in a happy mood. It seemed like a normal morning in the hostel,guests were sitting around and eating breakfast. I continued talking to the French girl and we ordered two shakes. Suddenly the owner got in a panic and started screaming the name of his small puppy dog. Everyone got up and began to look for the puppy. It was chaotic and everyone was looking worried. I was so emotional and sad about the puppy, I didn’t know what to do. When the owner came back with his puppy from the bush, everyone else had disappeared from reception. The French girl was gone, the High tide staff were gone and there were no guests left. There was just the owner, the Berlin DJ and some men from the messy party.
What the fucking hell is going on here? What kind of game is this? Where is everyone? Why did the DJ and the horny men leave the party and come to the hostel? Ok, something weird is happening. I went to my bungalow but I could hear the loud, hard techno music from inside as the DJ began playing. The techno music made me feel worse, and horny again. It began throbbing once more. I still didn’t feel normal from the drugs, I was the same or even worse. I began to realise they were still drugging me. I started to try and pack my bag but I couldn’t. I wasn’t able to pack, and it wasn’t clever to go out with the backpack. I took my handbag instead with the most important things; my passport, my phone and my bank card. ‘Ok, calm down, think clearly. Bad, really dirty things are happening here but come down, you can do it. Come down. Be strong and think about how to get out of here before someone involves you in their dirty game’ I took a deep breath and went out of the bungalow to the reception.
The DJ was sitting at the bar with some old, horny looking men. I put on my pokerface for the last time. I ordered a glass of water and the owner behind the bar with the baby-face said ‘Aaah come on, just a water? You should drink a beer’. I said ‘No, I don’t feel good, I don’t want to drink. I need a tuk tuk, I wanna go to the city.’ He said the Hightide tuk tuk was broken and that he needed to call one from outside, it could take 10-15 minutes. He was red and nervous, sweating in front of me. I started to feel worse being beside them, I could feel the way they were looking at me. I went outside the hostel and waited on a bench for the tuk tuk. My circulation was getting worse and worse. The DJ called after me telling me to come and dance with them. One nervous staff member was saying there was no tuk tuk, the other one was saying it will be here in 10 minutes. I decided to don´t risk it, I didn’t know if a tuk tuk was coming so I just stood up and began to walk without shoes to the main road, with the hope that nobody would follow me. Everything was full of mud and with my flip flops i had no chance.
I was able to get away and recover in a safe place. I called my friends on the island of Koh Rong Samloen where I had wanted to do the voluntary project. I snuck back to the hostel with him to fetch my things and left the place to never go back. I went to the island, I didn’t want to give up on my project because of these stupid men. But the connections of Hightide went far. They had some friends on the island, who again welcomed me by drugging my food and drinks. They managed to put me under the influence of drugs again. If you are an openhearted and euphoric person by nature, it is difficult to realize you are bring stupefied with these drugs. Their effect is similar to what you already feel.
They also managed to hack and control my phone. They intercepted my messages to my best friend looking for help. I was able to write the messages but that was it, I couldn’t receive messages or anything else. I played it cool and with the help of some Israeli and German backpackers I was able to leave the island. I left the island but I was in terriible condition. I didn’t know what it was this time, I thought I was still feeling the side effects of the drugs from Hightide. I felt as if someone had beaten my body all over.
My best friend Jens from Germany (who I worked on a farm in Australia with) decided immediately to fly to Cambodia, he would be there in 2 days. The Israeli boys had decided to drive to Kampot. I decided to stay with them until my friend arrived. It was better than waiting alone and I felt safe with the Israeli boys. They helped me get off the island by lending me money for the ferry, food and accommodation until I got back to the mainland.
We met up with Jens in Kampot and together with the Israeli boys we stayed in a hostel called Monkey Republic. Safety in numbers we thought. We didn’t know how much the shit was steaming so we decided to stay there for one or two nights. I just wanted to recover and find out what drugs I had been spiked with. My condition kept getting worse. I wanted to talk to a few people to find out what was happening. I didn’t give up or stop questioning. I knew what they had done to me. Who had been watched while showering in her bungalow? Was fucked by a staff member while under the influence of these drugs? Was made horny and pleasured herself not knowing men were looking in the window?? Do you know what a fucking feeling it is? Your privacy being abused? I’m sick just thinking about it.
On the first day in Monkey Republic we had breakfast together, with the Israeli boys and my best friend. I really wanted to go to the hospital lab and find out what I had been given. I went to the lab after breakfast. I was confident and strong and I let them take a blood sample and cut my hair. I wanted to send some samples to the lab in Germany where I worked. The Cambodian lab wasn’t able to do a drug screening test. I was upset and loud, self-confident and goal orientated. I gave instructions on what they should do to help me , and the doctor and lab staff listened. I felt like a KING. At this time, I really didn’t know what drugs I had received, I was fixated on the symptoms of being horny as this was not usual for me.
I went back to the Monkey Republic and found Jens lying exhausted in his bed, talking about little animals he could feel in the bed that were crawling all over his skin. I also lay down, exhausted after the trip to the lab but I started getting stomach pains and also had the feeling that tiny creatures were walking on my skin. We searched the bed for bedbugs or small ants but it was all clean. I fell asleep for an hour and woke up with hellish stomach cramps. I kept running to the toilet with diarrhea. I felt weak, exhausted and tired. I couldn’t leave the hostel as I was constantly in the toilet and my body was so fucked. I felt so bad that I wanted to visit the hospital or a pharmacy. I thought this was all from the side effects of the drugs they had given me, what I didn’t realise is that they were still drugging me.
The people at Hightide tried everything to convince me of the story of the Oreo cookie with 2g of LSD when I started asking questions. They said I was just hallucinating and imagining everything, that it was the LSD trip making me crazy. But I knew who I was, I knew how I was on it, I knew what I felt and saw. I knew exactly how I fought with my life and body. Together with my best friend, I lured the people of Hightide into a trap. My friend went to a bar where the Hightide people went regularly, and played a smart game to learn which drug I was dealing with.
Jens asked him ´hey mate my friend was here in Kampot few month ago at a party, where everyone was walking with toilet paper;) i am looking for this drug.!?´The guy who had rubbed his dick in front of me at the party looked spectially to him and without thinking ‘Oh, the drug you’re looking for which makes you horny and shit, its crystal meth brother. I can get you something right now.’ I was shocked by this information! What the hell? Crystal meth? Are you serious? I immediately began to get paranoid thinking about this, the worst drug. I knew nothing of this drug. I had just watched a bit of Breaking Bad and knew that it was a shit drug to take. I had never before looked at symptoms or signs from taking it. As shit as the situation was, I had the cold hard truth; that my body was addicted and I had been withdrawing from crystal meth. When I googled all the symptoms on the internet, I was 100% sure of what had been happening for the last two weeks and that I was now in withdrawal. These people were junkies, they had no idea I was playing them to try and find answers.
These are the symptoms described on the internet:
* Mood swing
* difficulty in breathing
* sexual activity
* Labile mood
*High body temperature
* Decreased appetite
*sensations on the skin
I almost died of a crystal meth overdose at
Kenny’s Korner. I survived an Overdose.! I
nearly became a victim of meth junkies. I
I almost had a heart attack.!!
Jens and I started investigating on the internet, to see if something like this had happened in Kampot before. Whether I was the only victim or if it had already happened to other girls. From our room in Monkey Republic, we searched the internet for similar reports and for answers. And there I came across something very mysterious. I grew cold and then warm. My skin got goosebumps and I had to take in a deep breath. Last year, in November 2017, two girls were found dead in Monkey Republic. Their cases remain unsolved, no-one knows why these girls died. They supposed to be dead from fake diarrhoea pills. What a story..?!?? They had the same symptoms as me in their last few weeks; abdominal pain, stomach cramps, headaches and diarrhoea. My friend and I, sat in Monkey Republic and looked at each other. Things were starting to make sense. The more we read, the sicker we felt.
The next morning, we woke up and went to the bar at Monkey Republic for breakfast with the Israeli boys. I ordered a coffee and my friend a bottle of water. He got a bottle with a red label while our friends had blue labels. My friend unconsciously questioned why his had a red label. I saw this waterbottle before in Hightide Hostel. Whatever, we had a lot of questions in our head, questions about how these girls had died. The staff at Monkey Republic had been acting weird. They kept coming up to see if we had finished eating and checked our glasses to see what we had drank. 20-30 minutes after drinking my coffee, I realised how warm I was feeling. I had the feeling that I had to use the toilet again, I felt confused and started to feel horn. My best friend was feeling the same way. My brain started to go crazy, one thought shooting out after another. ‘Hey Jens, do you realise how we are changing? That we don’t feel the same as we did when we woke up?’
I was distracted by an Irish guest in the hostel who was playing billiards alone and bombarded us with questions. ‘Watch out for this guy, he seems very interested in us and he looks fucked up on drugs. Something is wrong with us. Something is wrong here. I’m going to our room, I don’t feel well. I will write to you on Whatsapp.’ I went to our room and noticed step by step how bad I was. I had diarrhoea and had to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I was hot and cold. I was sweating and my breathing was got worse. I became so angry as I slowly realised we had once more been spiked with crystal meth in our breakfast. My heart was racing very fast. This time I knew and recognised the symptoms and knew which drug we were dealing with. I started to think back on everything that had happened since we arrived in Monkey Republic. I remembered how I had felt euphoric and full of self confidence after breakfast the day before. How I was in the lab, how I had felt like a KING. How we were later in the Hostel. The sensations of things crawling on our skin, abdominal pains and how we ran to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes. I felt the same right now after the second breakfast. But this time I was awakened to the game we were in. I wanted to know who was the owner of the hostel monkey republic, when the cleaning women told me the name i actually knew him. I met him on the island Koh rong samloen and he told me, that he is a good friend of hightide…
I immediately wrote a message to Jens to tell him we were on drugs at that moment. He had been feeling worse than me. He came into the room and we had to pull ourselves together so that we didn’t jump on each other and fuck. It was 1pm in the afternoon and we had been hard on crystal. We had to come to our senses and leave the hostel before we ended up like those dead girls.
I made the decision to close the windows, close the fan, put on as many sweaters and jackets as we could and sweat everything out. It was the fastest way to come down off the drugs. Jens went to the supermarket to buy water and cola. We couldn’t risk eating or drinking anything from the hostel. We sat in our room with closed doors and windows, in 30 degree heat with our jackets and sweaters on. We drank cola and water regularly to keep our bodies circulation in balance. I made sure we didn’t fall asleep and to breathe regularly. I was so scared we would suffocate on these drugs. But we managed to sweat it out within two hours. This two hours felt like hell. We packed our bags and left Monkey Republic and Kampot for the next town, Kep.
Then the hell started in Kep. I was in the middle of a very serious withdrawal. I couldn’t sleep, I tired very quickly and I couldn’t eat anything. I was emaciated, I looked like a skeleton. I was irritable, aggressive and depressed. My joints and muscles were hurting. At night I was so itchy, my skin felt irritated. We stayed for one more week in Cambodia so we could plan our escape. The people of Hightide were still trying to stamp me as crazy. They talked playfully with me ‘Hey everything was a hallucination which you made up in your head. We only gave you a cookie with just 2g LSD. We are worried about you, you have lost your mind.’
My best friend Jens came to Cambodia after my call for help and experienced everything just as I had. He was next to me, a victim as well and he got drugged too. I couldn’t put those two dead girls from my mind. I could have been just an article today, an unexplained cause of death. My family would never know if I had died of an overdose at that party. Was everything a coincidence? Everything that had happened? I did more research and i found more unsolved deaths in Kampot. I would have been blacklisted too. I didn’t want to run away, I didn’t want to close my eyes, I didn’t want to be silent. That wasn´t fair. These people have maybe blood on their hands. They almost had my blood on their hands. I want to warn young women, I want to warn backpackers, I want the world to know what’s going on in Kampot, Cambodia.
I tried to find evidence and information, to find some binding connection. This was the reason why I hadn’t left earlier. I know that I am right and therefore I wanted to help the dead girls sleep well in their graves. I was mad! I was disappointed! I thought I was coming back to Cambodia to good people, people with whom I had shared my food, my good energy and good naive heart…people who had taken my trust and stabbed me in the back.
When I had confirmed everything from these people and had everything I needed, we wanted to leave Cambodia as soon as possible. I fought with my withdrawal and started to handle it better. I felt ready. But it was not so easy…Hightide staff and their friends attempted to spike me again three days before I left the country. They messed with my Australian bank card. I was lucky that I still had my German bank and credit card, otherwise it wouldn´t have been possible to escape.
When we booked our bus to Phnom Penh, the hightide member knew instantly when and from where we would take our busses. They didn´t knew when I would leave and 5 minutes after booking I got a message from the cambodian stuff from hightide if I would leaving tomorrow. I changed the completely escape plan last minute to make sure nobody was manipulating it.
I really though that I would never get out of that country, where everyone was easily bought with money. We were too busy trying to survive and get out of the country and we didn’t go to the police or to the embassy in Cambodia. We were also scared to go to the police, maybe they would be angry and would do a lot to us.
Whatever..What role does it play in such a country? In the lawless country? Where everyone does what they want.!? That trip made me see the evil and bad side of the world. The sad and disappointing side of the world. It has made me more of a survivor, a life-fighter. They robbed me of my trust in others, and changed my perspective on the world.
We flew back to Australia because my mother in Germany wouldn´t be able to handle seeing me like this. She is not stable in terms of both her physical and emotional health and I wanted to protect her. I was experiencing withdrawal and she was not allowed to see me like that. She would have been so destroyed and taken the ambulance to the hospital. My aunt and uncle were privy to the story and didn´t leave me on my own.
In Australia my sleepless nights didn’t stop. My mood swings and depressive-agressive phases were almost unbearable. I forced myself to eat. I had lost about 5 kilos in one month. I tried hard to fight it. I was not a junkie and I would never take this drug by my own. My body was so addicted that sometimes I couldn’t control my jaw. Once I thought that I almost bit my tongue off and put something between my teeth so as not to lose my tongue.
I started doing sports, went to boxing and tried to detox myself. One of the withdrawal symptoms was a crystal acne on my feet, my skin peeled up. I got holes in my feet from one day to the next. At night, I always got an itch on my feet and legs, causing my skin to bleed from scratching. I couldn’t do much during the day, small activities exhausted me very quickly. I felt drained and was quickly tired. Sometimes I felt like someone had beat me with a baseball bat all over my body.
I had panic attack again and again and had to be rushed to hospital after an Oreo flashback induced attack. My room mate offered me an Oreo biscuit and when I took it I remembered the messy party. I had never experienced anything like that. Everything appeared before my eyes as if I was experiencing the same situation again. I could not breathe. My heart began to race faster. My teeth started to crunch and I felt like I had during the overdose again. I got hot and cold I started sweating so I crashed down on the floor. I couldn´t control my body and started screaming for help. I was almost breathless because I panicked and I choked on air . I experienced every second as I had at the party. I felt heat spread from my head to my feet. My friends and room mates were immediately there for me and called an ambulance. This flashback lasted for four hours.
I spent a lot of time doing sports and just being in nature. I could not stand to be in places full of music or beats because my body immediately linked it to my experiences and would crave the drugs again. Now I knew exactly how people who were addicted felt. And how hard it was to fight it…
I started to write about what had happened to me in Cambodia. I was able to free my thoughts and the terrible images through words. I engaged in some self therapy and underwent a lonely withdrawal without professional help. I have a fighting spirit and giving up had never room in my life. If you have never voluntarily taken the drugs and don´t want to take them, you have a chance to fight alone. Otherwise, you should seek professional help or have someone with you. Its hard… it’s hard to fight crystal withdrawal. I was under the influence of these drugs for a few weeks and was addicted. I don´t want to imagine what people go through that have voluntarily consumed them for years …
My best friend Jens supported me during this time and was always there for me. I started to go out with people again after 6 weeks. I thought I am safe. I thought nothing could happen in Australia…but I was wrong. The australian owner of higtide organized people to come after me. They seriously persecuted me in Australia to silence me. I had not escaped far enough yet. I was exactly right. I was in his kingdom, in Australia. They played dirty again with me. I know these people were professional criminals. I also know that many people who had been manipulated around me had been threatened by them. But I didn´t know to that time i was dealing with an Australian Rebel who is a member of the biker gang from Australia/Queensland. Whatever…I want to keep this part short. I don´t want to begin now because i could write endlessly. At the end before i got on the plane to Germany, i met the federal police at the airport to refund my ad. Why checkmate? Because these people played checkmate with my life. I was the only opponent against everyone. .
I managed, finally, to return with Jens to Germany, to my family and friends… Crazy, right? Can you even imagine a world as crazy as this? Yeah … unfortunately, although it is dirty, it is true. While our politicians and countries are trying to fight each other, such criminals are operating under their noses. Everyone only thinks about his life and his own ass. Everyone closes their eyes and pretends that everything is perfect while innocent people are bring killed.
‘It happened in Cambodia so it’s not our business’ was something I’ve been told many times. The Australian Police, the German Police. No-one seemed to care that I had almost died. No-one cared that I had evidence that could explain the deaths of those two girls. Instead, they told me,’Kampot is the City of lawless people. We can´t do much, and you are out of this bad country now. Forget the story. Your life goes on.” What the hell??!! Yes my life goes on but I will not forget the story. I will make sure the world knows my story, that the family and friends of these girls know that they didn´t just die for no reason. Can someone tell me in what kind of universe do we live? Yes, in a shit one with shitty leaders. Human life has no meaning: what matters is Money. Power. Force.
I have been trying to fight for months with my withdrawal,(I am still fighting with the side effects of this drug) to bring the truth into the light, to warn people and to secure the safety of human life. ALONE. I contacted authorities, contacted police and federal police. I contacted lawyers to help fight against these people. Again the same thing.” It is Cambodia we can not do anything. It is a wild country. City of Lawless people. How ridiculous, is that?
But despite everything I will not give up on my fight for justice. I will not give up believing in the truth. I will try to fight alone. I risk a lot with this blog. I know how big and powerful these people are! They have showed it to me by trying to stop me, but I still will not be scared or stop trying to fight against them for what they have done to me. At least Karma will catch up to them. They will get what they deserve.
EVERYTHINK HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!
If someday I should disappear in a mysterious way, die or whatever (because they tried it already a lot of times)… then that should be a 10000% confirmation of my crazy story! Everyone should know that I did not die for no reason. Please spread this story for me, for the deceased girls and possibly for the next potential victims. Please people, I need you by my side so that I can finally go to sleep peacefully after months of torment. It may be that a few other girls have experienced the same or similar in this hostel or Kampot. Please don´t be ashamed, we are not to blame for what they did to us. We are not to blame if we were drugged and they took advantage of it. Please let us hold together and at least we can raise awareness and try to warn other people. Contact me if you have had similar experiences. Please…Dare. And never lose faith in yourself. No matter how shitty the world is, it is still our home in which we live.
Any question that comes to your mind, you should ask me. Nothing is left unanswered. Please note that this blog is a short version of my story with the most important information.